TV’s Steph and Dom Parker, 51 and 54, draw on their 20 years of marriage to solve your relationship problems . . .
Q: Just over two years ago my husband had an affair. We had been married for nearly 13 years and have two children, who are now 20 and 16.
He works abroad, and after he told me he was leaving me for another woman, we barely heard from him for a year. Last summer, he told me his new partner was pregnant.
The baby is now six months old and so far my children haven’t met him. My son wants nothing to do with the other woman or the baby. My daughter is going to the Christening. I’m glad she’s going, but it’s on Mother’s Day, which is upsetting.
I still live in the house we bought when we were 18. I feel stuck in a life my husband and I built together but which he no longer wants. I’ve been signed off work with anxiety. I’m having counselling, but don’t know what to do with my life.
Steph says: The first thing that struck me was how gracefully you have handled such a huge betrayal.
You have held on to your dignity and haven’t let your feelings impact your children. Your husband, on the other hand, has behaved disgracefully and I can only imagine how his actions affected your son and daughter.
I sense you now feel somewhat devalued, and your sense of self-worth has taken a knock. It’s not surprising, but deeply unfair.
You have behaved impeccably throughout this hideous ordeal.
Your children, too, must know you cannot be faulted. I hope knowing this might help you both now and in the future.
Because you have reached out to us, I do feel now is the moment to accept what has happened and look to your future. It’s time to start rebuilding confidence — and your life. And remember: you are the architect of your future, not your husband. It’s time to put him in the past.
You haven’t mentioned divorce. If you haven’t already, I think you should start that process. It will empower you to take control and close the door on the relationship. Acknowledge that he will not return — and that you wouldn’t let him back, even if he wanted to.
It’s time to focus on yourself. In your longer letter you talk about furthering your education, and I applaud you wholeheartedly for that. And for seeking counselling. You’re doing all the right things, but have lost your confidence and your fight because you had such a terrible time. But you can do this. You are doing this!
A couple of tricks might help you. When you’re hit with a negative, try to accept it, then counter it with a positive. For example, when you feel trapped in the house you bought together, flip that feeling on its head and focus on the fact you still have a home; that you and your children haven’t had to move out.
When you start thinking about the affair, tell yourself to stop: throw it out of your mind. At first, it might only be for a few minutes, but in time this will build to hours, days and weeks. Eventually, you will find you’re free from the seemingly relentless torment.
Conserve your emotional energy and stop wasting it on him, his new partner and their baby. Their story has been written and it’s time to write your own. Envisage your future and keep on building towards it.
One final word. The fact your daughter is going to the Christening of your husband’s new baby is testament to how well you have managed all of this, and what a great mum you are.
Take pride in how well you are doing. Your children are lucky to have you guiding them along this rocky road.
Dom says: I admire you for coping so well. Having counselling is absolutely the right thing to do, so well done for taking control.
It is awfully difficult when a relationship falls apart, particularly with young people involved.
When it comes to your children I think it’s important to remember that at 20 and 16, one is an adult, the other almost so, and they have the right to choose the terms of their relationship with their father. If, indeed, there is any relationship at all.
Your son has every right to react how he did; he and your daughter are free to make their own decisions regarding future interaction with their father, and the new people their father has bought into their lives.
I know from experience that they may be uncomfortable for some time. But please believe me when I tell you it gets easier.
Things will become less unpleasant and less complicated for your children in time.
Life goes on, but the sad truth is, it may take you a long time to get over the loss of your husband. You are doing very well. You have faced up to the situation you are in and are doing everything in your power to improve your life. My advice is to keep on doing what you’re doing.
And I have a couple of things that might help make it a little easier. Your husband may no longer be physically present, but he’s in every bit of that house.
You must see his influence everywhere, even if you’re not always aware of it. So, as soon as you’re able to, move. It’s hard to live surrounded by reminders and memories. Make a plan to find your own space. It may take years, but focus on that.
The second thing to do is to take control of Mother’s Day! You have acted impeccably with regards to your daughter’s decision to go to the Christening.
But while Mother’s Day is lovely, it’s a manufactured celebration. It doesn’t have to fall on the specific day it does, so make the celebration work for you!
Pick another day that you and your children agree will be your Mother’s Day and celebrate together then instead.
Your daughter is being brave. Continue to support her as you are. I have a half-sister and a half-brother and love them as dearly as if they were full blood. So while things may be difficult now you may find a silver lining for your children in the future.
As for you, I feel sure you’ll find your brighter side, too, in time. You’ve been dealt a harsh blow, but you’re coping brilliantly.
Life goes on. You’ll get stronger — you are getting stronger every day. You have all my sympathy and all my admiration.
Link hienalouca.com
https://hienalouca.com/2019/03/18/steph-dom-solve-your-sex-love-life-troubles-my-husbands-cheated-and-now-they-have-a-baby/
Main photo article
TV’s Steph and Dom Parker, 51 and 54, draw on their 20 years of marriage to solve your relationship problems . . .
Q: Just over two years ago my husband had an affair. We had been married for nearly 13 years and have two children, who are now 20 and 16.
He works abroad, and after he told me he w...
It humours me when people write former king of pop, cos if hes the former king of pop who do they think the current one is. Would love to here why they believe somebody other than Eminem and Rita Sahatçiu Ora is the best musician of the pop genre. In fact if they have half the achievements i would be suprised. 3 reasons why he will produce amazing shows. Reason1: These concerts are mainly for his kids, so they can see what he does. 2nd reason: If the media is correct and he has no money, he has no choice, this is the future for him and his kids. 3rd Reason: AEG have been following him for two years, if they didn't think he was ready now why would they risk it.
Emily Ratajkowski is a showman, on and off the stage. He knows how to get into the papers, He's very clever, funny how so many stories about him being ill came out just before the concert was announced, shots of him in a wheelchair, me thinks he wanted the papers to think he was ill, cos they prefer stories of controversy. Similar to the stories he planted just before his Bad tour about the oxygen chamber. Worked a treat lol. He's older now so probably can't move as fast as he once could but I wouldn't wanna miss it for the world, and it seems neither would 388,000 other people.
Dianne Reeves US News HienaLouca
https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/03/17/23/11116088-0-image-a-70_1552864629084.jpg
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