«Breaking News» The return of Alfie Moon was ludicrous in EastEnders, by Jim Shelley

Just when you thought EastEnders couldn’t get any worse, it did. 

The soap seemed to have hit a new low after recent storylines like Sharon’s affair with Keanu, Linda becoming the latest victim of Stuart the master manipulator, or Hayley having a baby in a Dickensian drug den and her mother trying to sell it on the internet for £100, 000.

But even the sight of Rainie trading punches with her dear old mum in The Queen Vic wasn’t as unbearable as the return of Alfie Moon.

Predictable: We knew Shane Richie’s surprise entrance was coming eventually, given that Alfie Moon was the father of Hayley’s baby (poor thing)

Not even Rainie being hospitalised after Cora brained her with a frying pan - an ‘assault’ so serious Max consequently gained custody of Abi junior – was as ludicrous as the reunion of Kat and Alfie. (Yes, another one). 

We knew Shane Richie’s surprise entrance was coming eventually, given that Alfie was the father of Hayley’s baby (poor thing).

But not many viewers would have foreseen him reappearing dressed as the Grim Reaper, probably because it not only lacked the necessary drama but was completely dismal.

Ridiculous: Not even Rainie being hospitalised after Cora brained her with a frying pan - an ‘assault’ so serious Max consequently gained custody of Abi junior – was as ludicrous as the reunion of Kat and Alfie (Yes, another one)

Kat denounced it as ‘poxy’ when she saw Alfie’s costume and the video presentation for his latest venture selling discount funerals, Blue Moon.

(Then again being called ‘tacky’ by Kat Slater was a bit rich.)

‘Some day your friends and family will have to decide what to do when you pop your clogs,’ Alfie addressed potential customers. ‘But what if there was a way of them knowing what you wanted beforehand? Well now there is!’

Ridiculous: Not many viewers would have foreseen Alfie reappearing dressed as the Grim Reaper, probably because it not only lacked the necessary drama but was completely dismal

The fact Alfie was holding a scythe somehow seemed even less absurd than the idea Alfie’s was suggested this hadn’t already existed – in every other funeral service.

Yes it looked as if Walford was going to have a rival for the funeral directors run by Jay (the paedophile).

‘What do you think?’ Alfie asked cretinously.

Do you really want us to answer that, you thought.

Dismissive: Kat denounced it as ‘poxy’ when she saw Alfie’s costume and the video presentation for his latest venture selling discount funerals, Blue Moon 

Bizarre: The fact Alfie was holding a scythe somehow seemed even less absurd than the idea Alfie’s was suggested this hadn’t already existed – in every other funeral service

Alfie gabbled away as irritatingly as ever, babbling about investors like ‘Time Share Tony’ and about how Kat still had ‘got it going on.’

‘You ain’t!’ she snarled, accurately. ‘I don’t care about your funerals!’ she continued, speaking for us all. ‘Where are my boys?! You won’t let me speak to them, text them, email them...’

‘It upsets them,’ Alfie said, again probably not unreasonably.

Here we go again: Alfie gabbled away as irritatingly as ever, babbling about investors like ‘Time Share Tony’ and about how Kat still had ‘got it going on' 

When she virtually threw a chair at him, he carped: ‘oh well done, that’s the reason why I won’t let you see them!’

Quite. Whose side the viewers were meant to be on was anyone’s guess.

True, Alfie had slept with Hayley (Kat’s cousin) and got her pregnant.

But during their days in Spain when they were not in the series, Kat had been in bed with ‘the Russian’ – the precise time as the mystery incident in which her kids had scalded themselves with boiling water. (Awkward...)

Furious: ‘You ain’t!’ she snarled, accurately. ‘I don’t care about your funerals!’ she continued, speaking for us all. ‘Where are my boys?! You won’t let me speak to them, text them, email them...’

In all honesty, since her own return to Walford, Kat had been less interested in calling her kids than creating her unlikely cleaning empire.

‘I’M SORRY OK!?!’ she cracked/cried in the end. ‘I’m sorry I slept with the Russian! I let you down. That’s what I do.’

No, it sounds like sleeping with the Russian was what you do more like...

Watch out: When she virtually threw a chair at him, he carped: ‘oh well done, that’s the reason why I won’t let you see them!' 

Get real: In all honesty, since her own return to Walford, Kat had been less interested in calling her kids than creating her unlikely cleaning empire

‘It has taken me months to look myself in the mirror again,’ Kat then claimed, which again seemed unlikely given the state of what she looked like or was wearing – namely, not enough clothes and too much make-up.

‘Everyone deserves a second chance! I messed up alright? I messed up as a mum. But I can cope. I’ve got Jean. I’ve got Nan, Stacey, Hayley...’

That stopped him in his tracks and shut him up, for once.

Surprise: If Kat hadn’t already suspected Alfie was the father of Hayley’s baby, the fact he’d gone as white as a sheet and had eyes as wide as saucers would have given it away

If Kat hadn’t already suspected Alfie was the father of Hayley’s baby, the fact he’d gone as white as a sheet and had eyes as wide as saucers would have given it away.

‘You con and you lie!’ Kat wailed, just before stomping off. ‘You cut me open and then stand there and make jokes! You’ll never change!’

Safe to say, she had a point.

And if Kat was unimpressed by Alfie’s return, God knows why we were meant to be. 

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https://hienalouca.com/2018/11/16/the-return-of-alfie-moon-was-ludicrous-in-eastenders-by-jim-shelley/
Main photo article Just when you thought EastEnders couldn’t get any worse, it did. 
The soap seemed to have hit a new low after recent storylines like Sharon’s affair with Keanu, Linda becoming the latest victim of Stuart the master manipulator, or Hayley having a baby in a Dickensian drug den and her mother tryi...

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