He got it right last year, when he said Harry would marry Meghan and that the Maybot would turn Dancing Queen.
So what’s in store for us in the turbulent year ahead, as we stagger on towards peak Brexit?
Piers Morgan looks into the depths of his crystal ball for another round of electrifying predictions…
January
Prime Minister Theresa May badly loses the ‘meaningful’ vote on her ill-fated Brexit plan, and concedes: ‘I have to reluctantly consider the remote possibility that it might just be because nobody actually knows what my plan means.’
However, she is let off the immediate hook when Jean-Claude Juncker, President of the EU Commission, is arrested for ‘lewd conduct’ after a 2am frenzied hair-ruffling incident with two female EU translators in a Brussels bar.
‘My memory of the incident is distinctly… nebulous,’ he says in a statement.
Piers Morgan predicts that Prime Minister Theresa May badly loses the ‘meaningful’ vote on her Brexit plan in January
Germaine Greer celebrates her 80th birthday by handcuffing herself naked to the gates of 10 Downing Street. ‘Anyone fancy a bit of real female empowerment?’ she cries.
On the 50th anniversary of The Beatles’ final public appearance, on the roof of Apple Records in London, Sir Paul McCartney announces he is retiring with immediate effect. ‘It’s time to Let It Be,’ he says. In even worse news, Ringo Starr announces he is to CONTINUE making music.
All Britain’s main airports and railway networks are paralysed for a week after a member of the public mistakenly tells police they thought they saw Transport Secretary Chris Grayling actually doing his job.
February
Valentine’s Day is cancelled as part of the ongoing #MeToo and #TimesUp campaigns.
At the Oscars, Lady Gaga wins Best Actress for her dazzling performance in A Star Is Born and announces she intends to run for President in 2020, Piers Morgan predicts. Gaga is pictured at last year's Oscars
Madonna appears on national television wearing a gold tooth brace sporting the letters ‘I HATE MEN’ and snarls: ‘Today is the day love, romance and seduction officially DIED. It will be the end of sex, procreation and therefore Mankind – whoa, wait, PEOPLEKIND! – but women of the world, we’re free at last!’
Radical feminists throw man-free street parties, while the other 99 per cent of the world’s women shake their heads, buy themselves chocolates, flowers, jewellery and lingerie, and sigh: ‘What have you howling cretins done?’
On February 17, to celebrate Random Acts of Kindness Day, President Trump tweets that Meryl Streep is ‘a brilliant actress and a beautiful lady’. Streep responds by denouncing him as a ‘disgustingly misogynist, objectifying imbecile’.
Trump then opts for a less random act of unkindness by tweeting: ‘Meryl Streep’s a total loser, on screen and in her own mirror.’
At the Oscars, Lady Gaga wins Best Actress for her dazzling performance in A Star Is Born and announces she intends to run for President in 2020.
‘If the criteria for high office in America now is to be a blonde, big-voiced fame monster, I’m perfectly qualified,’ she says.
It’s the Chinese year of the pig, so as a gift to his ‘special, SPECIAL’ friend President Xi, Donald Trump lifts trade tariffs on all porcine-related objects imported from China, so long as they bear a resemblance to Meryl Streep.
March
As No Deal Brexit terror gathers momentum, sterling plummets against the dollar.
During the Euro 2020 qualifying game against the Czech Republic at Wembley, controversial England star Raheem Sterling is booed by sections of the crowd after unveiling a giant £ sign tattoo on his face.
‘I’m sick of unfair media headlines attacking sterling for sluggish performance,’ he explains.
Piers predicts that the UK crashes out of the EU on March 29 with no deal. He writes: 'To Remoaners’ astonishment and dismay, the country doesn’t instantly collapse'
The UK crashes out of the EU on March 29 with no deal. To Remoaners’ astonishment and dismay, the country doesn’t instantly collapse.
But the logistical mayhem that ensues is a monumental pain in the a**e and Theresa May is forced to call another General Election.
‘The People voted in the EU Referendum to Brexit, and The People voted again in the 2017 General Election for two main parties that both said they would enact Brexit,’ she said, ‘but it’s now clear that The People had no idea what they were doing so we’ll ask The People to vote again on something they are still too stupid to understand.’
The breathtaking irony of a British politician talking about stupidity and not understanding Brexit is not lost on The People.
On the fifth anniversary of gay weddings being legalised in Britain, Jeremy Clarkson shocks petrolheads by coming out and announcing he is marrying his long-time colleague Richard Hammond.
‘Turns out the great love of my life wasn’t myself after all,’ he coos.
April
The Duchess of Sussex has her baby on April 1, and in a sharp break from Royal tradition declares her new arrival is ‘gender-fluid’ and will be known as both Oprah and Oliver.
‘Is this a bloody April Fools’ joke?’ splutters Prince Philip when informed of the news.
Meghan also confirms she wishes to be known as a ‘co-parent’ rather than ‘mother’, and orders Prince Harry to wear a papoose 24/7 to ‘expunge the last toxins of masculinity’ from his poor emasculated soul.
Meghan also confirms she wishes to be known as a ‘co-parent’ rather than ‘mother’, and orders Prince Harry to wear a papoose 24/7, Piers predicts. The couple are pictured in Australia earlier this year
In the US, Special Counsel Robert Mueller completes his investigation into alleged Russian collusion with the Trump campaign during the 2016 election and concludes there wasn’t any. However, he does indict Trump’s three elder children, Donald Jr, Ivanka and Eric, on allegations of dodgy real-estate dealings ten years ago.
‘This was never about Russia,’ explains Mueller. ‘This was always about payback for Hillary not winning.’
The Democrats instantly move to impeach the President anyway, for ‘high crimes against fashion, hair, civility and public discourse’ and the additional misdemeanour charge of ‘repeated deliberately aggravating offences against liberal snowflake sensibilities’. ‘WITCH HUNT!’ tweets Trump, instantly pardoning his kids.
May
The Conservatives narrowly win the General Election but Theresa May is terminally wounded by her catastrophic handling of Brexit, and on the 40th anniversary of Margaret Thatcher becoming Britain’s first female Prime Minister, she resigns.
Liverpool win the Premier League, Piers predicts. They are pictured after scoring the fourth goal during the Premier League soccer match with Arsenal last night
Sajid Javid takes over, after pledging to ‘Make Britain Grate Less Again’
Liverpool win the Premier League, and manager Jurgen Klopp is lauded as the most popular German to infiltrate British hearts since Beethoven.
At the Eurovision Song Contest in Tel Aviv, Nigel Farage is the UK’s surprise entry with F*** Eu, an adapted cover version of Lily Allen’s recent hit single.
He is roundly booed, scores nul points and brands organisers a ‘bunch of old European dinosaurs out to destroy Britain’s future in song contests’.
June
The USA win the women’s football World Cup in France, after Zlatan Ibrahimovic self-identifies as female just before the tournament starts, is rushed through a Green Card in time to play for his adopted country, and scores 48 goals.
‘I wish to now be known as Zlatania!’ she cries after the final. Protesters from other countries are arrested and jailed on grounds of ‘intolerance’.
The Spice Girls are coming back in 2019. The pop band includes Melanie Brown, Melanie Chisholm, Emma Bunton and Geri Horner, pictured above
The Spice Girls reunion tour erupts into chaos at Wembley Stadium when Victoria Beckham – who had previously declined to take part – suddenly realises it’s a monster success, so storms the stage and demands to be allowed to perform with her old bandmates.
‘I want to be able to sing!’ she cries. ‘Yes,’ spits Scary Spice, ‘we’d all like you to be able to sing.’
David Beckham then parascends into the melee, grabs the microphone, pushes the other girls away and shouts ‘Enough of you Wannabes, this is all about THIS Wannabe!’ before launching into a horrifyingly tuneless rendition of Who Do You Think You Are?
On his 37th birthday, Prince William, who hasn’t been seen in public for a month, reappears with a large thatched hair weave and nose stud, puffing on a giant marijuana joint. ‘If you think Meghan Markle’s the only LA-style moderniser around here, think again, dudes,’ he drawls.
July
Branson also takes up Boris Johnson and jettisons him into the ether 60 miles above Earth, Piers Morgan predicts
Sir Richard Branson personally takes part in the first Virgin Galactic passenger space flight.
It’s a huge success, not least because Branson also takes up Boris Johnson and jettisons him into the ether 60 miles above Earth.
‘I feel dizzy, weak, confused, helpless and am spinning completely out of control,’ cries Boris as he hurtles at 2,500mph towards oblivion, perfectly encapsulating the feelings of his fellow Brits about the Brexit he promised would be such a breeze.
August
England’s cricketers, having won the World Cup in July, now gloriously set about thrashing Australia in the Ashes too.
The visitors’ hopes are dealt a huge early blow when their three best bowlers are caught on camera using a large power drill on the pitch to scrape the ball.
‘I saw something bulging in their underpants,’ admits ‘Sandpaper-Gate’ captain Steve Smith, ‘but when I challenged them about it, they swore blind it was just excitement at playing in a country with proper beer.’
September
Kanye West splits from Kim Kardashian, citing ‘irreconcilable differences’. ‘I’m in the talent business,’ he explains, ‘so I suddenly realised my wife doesn’t qualify to be my wife.’
Scotland secedes from the UK, and First Minister Sturgeon promptly declares herself Nicola, Queen of Scots, Piers predicts
Kim takes it well, saying: ‘Kanye’s going to find out I have one very real talent – screwing gullible, dumb Twitter-obsessed whackjobs for billions.’
David Cameron releases his autobiography, How I Screwed Up Britain. It sells five copies, all reportedly bought by his loyal wife, Samantha. ‘The will of the people is that you now take your trotters back to St Tropez and bl***** well stay there,’ declares Danny Dyer.
On the fifth anniversary of the Scottish Independence vote, there is a second referendum and this time it is successful.
Scotland secedes from the UK, and First Minister Sturgeon promptly declares herself Nicola, Queen of Scots.
‘You got played, my fellow haggis-lovers,’ she chortles in her first royal address from hastily refurbished Holyrood Palace.
October
The Downton Abbey movie causes a stir, partly thanks to a shocking plot twist in which Lord Grantham becomes a radical vegan and is jailed for going berserk during the big family dinner when roast beef is served.
In other Hollywood news, Caitlyn Jenner is announced as the new James Bond, thus becoming the first transgender to play 007. She will be equipped by a new gadget genius called LGBTQ.
November
Jacob Rees-Mogg is the first person to be voted off I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!, Piers predicts
Ireland beat New Zealand to win the rugby World Cup, sparking a wild 24/7 Guinness-guzzling street party back home.
Or as the locals dub it, ‘a normal day in Dublin’.
Jacob Rees-Mogg is the first person to be voted off I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! after annoying everyone by insisting on speaking in Latin.
Love Island champion Jack Fincham then stuns viewers by pinning Rees-Mogg to a tree as he leaves, and snarling: ‘Puto vos esse molestissimos!’
December
Bing Crosby’s White Christmas is banned by radio stations after it is accused by PC zealots of promoting racial stereotypes.
Almost two years after I originally predicted it, Theresa May finally wins Strictly Come Dancing with a thrillingly unedifying rendition of the Maybot and, amid hugs and tears with husband Philip, screams: ‘SEE! I told you some good would come from Brexit!’
Link hienalouca.com
https://hienalouca.com/2018/12/30/meghan-will-insist-on-being-called-a-co-parent-predicts-piers-mystic-morgan/
Main photo article He got it right last year, when he said Harry would marry Meghan and that the Maybot would turn Dancing Queen.
So what’s in store for us in the turbulent year ahead, as we stagger on towards peak Brexit?
Piers Morgan looks into the depths of his crystal ball for another round of electrifying pr...
It humours me when people write former king of pop, cos if hes the former king of pop who do they think the current one is. Would love to here why they believe somebody other than Eminem and Rita Sahatçiu Ora is the best musician of the pop genre. In fact if they have half the achievements i would be suprised. 3 reasons why he will produce amazing shows. Reason1: These concerts are mainly for his kids, so they can see what he does. 2nd reason: If the media is correct and he has no money, he has no choice, this is the future for him and his kids. 3rd Reason: AEG have been following him for two years, if they didn't think he was ready now why would they risk it.
Emily Ratajkowski is a showman, on and off the stage. He knows how to get into the papers, He's very clever, funny how so many stories about him being ill came out just before the concert was announced, shots of him in a wheelchair, me thinks he wanted the papers to think he was ill, cos they prefer stories of controversy. Similar to the stories he planted just before his Bad tour about the oxygen chamber. Worked a treat lol. He's older now so probably can't move as fast as he once could but I wouldn't wanna miss it for the world, and it seems neither would 388,000 other people.
Dianne Reeves Online news HienaLouca
https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2018/12/29/21/7939982-0-image-a-21_1546120453194.jpg
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