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суббота, 2 марта 2019 г.

«Breaking News» Michael Cohen says he's 'cold, 'ashamed' and 'lying naked on the floor' as SNL tears into testimony 

Ben Stiller returned to Saturday Night Live to reprise his role as Michael Cohen, President Trump’s former lawyer and fixer who gave bombshell testimony before Congress earlier this week.


After a two-week hiatus, the NBC variety show poked fun at the spectacle of Cohen’s dramatic day of testimony before the House Oversight Committee on Wednesday.


SNL alum Bill Hader returned to the show to depict Republican Congressman Jim Jordan. 


The sketch begins with a dig at C-SPAN, the cable channel which broadcasts Congressional and political programming.





Ben Stiller (above) returned to Saturday Night Live and reprised his portrayal of Michael Cohen, President Trump's former lawyer and fixer


Ben Stiller (above) returned to Saturday Night Live and reprised his portrayal of Michael Cohen, President Trump's former lawyer and fixer






Ben Stiller returned to Saturday Night Live and reprised his portrayal of Michael Cohen (above), President Trump's former lawyer and fixer


Ben Stiller returned to Saturday Night Live and reprised his portrayal of Michael Cohen (above), President Trump's former lawyer and fixer



Ben Stiller (left) returned to Saturday Night Live and reprised his portrayal of Michael Cohen (right), President Trump's former lawyer and fixer





Cohen begins to read his statement, which he says he wrote with ‘some help from the guys who wrote Green Book’


Cohen begins to read his statement, which he says he wrote with ‘some help from the guys who wrote Green Book’



Cohen begins to read his statement, which he says he wrote with ‘some help from the guys who wrote Green Book’





‘Thank you for inviting me here today to correct the record under oath,’ Cohen says. ‘Of course, the first time I testified was also under oath. But this time, I like really mean it.’


‘Thank you for inviting me here today to correct the record under oath,’ Cohen says. ‘Of course, the first time I testified was also under oath. But this time, I like really mean it.’



‘Thank you for inviting me here today to correct the record under oath,’ Cohen says. ‘Of course, the first time I testified was also under oath. But this time, I like really mean it.’



‘You’re watching C-SPAN,’ the announcer says matter of factly, only to correct himself and ask with astonishment: ‘You’re watching C-SPAN?’


The scene then jumps to the House Oversight Committee, with Cummings presiding.


‘I would like to get this hearing under way,’ says the committee chairman, Democratic Rep. Elijah Cummings, who is portrayed by Kenan Thompson, as he bangs on his gavel.

‘I want this to stay professional. Okay?


‘If you hear something outrageous, please do not "Ooh" and "Aww." This is not "Married with children."’




The committee chairman, Democratic Rep. Elijah Cummings, was portrayed by Kenan Thompson


The committee chairman, Democratic Rep. Elijah Cummings, was portrayed by Kenan Thompson



The committee chairman, Democratic Rep. Elijah Cummings, was portrayed by Kenan Thompson





Ocasio-Cortez is frequently portrayed on SNL by cast member Melissa Villasenor


Ocasio-Cortez is frequently portrayed on SNL by cast member Melissa Villasenor



Ocasio-Cortez is frequently portrayed on SNL by cast member Melissa Villasenor



Cummings also jokes that ‘all anyone cares about anymore’ is ‘a performance by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.’


In real life, the New York congresswoman has generated a great deal of attention because of her upset victory and her considerable presence on social media.


Ocasio-Cortez is frequently portrayed on SNL by cast member Melissa Villasenor. 


Cummings then turns his attention to the hearing.


‘Now, for any other president, this hearing would be the most damning and humiliating moment of their lives, but for Trump it's just Wednesday,’ he says.


Stiller’s Cohen then takes center stage.


Cummings corrects Cohen when he mistakenly refers to him as ‘your honor.’


Cohen then begins to read his statement, which he says he wrote with ‘some help from the guys who wrote Green Book.’


Green Book, a controversial film about racism in the American South, is the film which won the Academy Award for Best Picture last weekend.


It has been criticized for its inaccuracy in its portrayal of the main characters as well as for its use of racial stereotypes. 


‘Thank you for inviting me here today to correct the record under oath,’ Cohen says.


‘Of course, the first time I testified was also under oath. But this time, I like really mean it.’




Cohen then produces a copy of the check the Trump Organization wrote to Cohen as reimbursement for the hush money he paid to Stormy Daniels, the porn star who alleges she had an affair with Trump more than a decade ago


Cohen then produces a copy of the check the Trump Organization wrote to Cohen as reimbursement for the hush money he paid to Stormy Daniels, the porn star who alleges she had an affair with Trump more than a decade ago



Cohen then produces a copy of the check the Trump Organization wrote to Cohen as reimbursement for the hush money he paid to Stormy Daniels, the porn star who alleges she had an affair with Trump more than a decade ago





Cohen then shows the ‘check’ that he wrote to Daniels. It includes cartoon characters like Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, the Tazmanian Devil, and others. ‘Love the boobs!’ he writes on the ‘check.’


Cohen then shows the ‘check’ that he wrote to Daniels. It includes cartoon characters like Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, the Tazmanian Devil, and others. ‘Love the boobs!’ he writes on the ‘check.’



Cohen then shows the ‘check’ that he wrote to Daniels. It includes cartoon characters like Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, the Tazmanian Devil, and others. ‘Love the boobs!’ he writes on the ‘check.’





Cohen also includes the ‘letter’ he sent to Trump’s high school ‘warning them not to release his SAT scores.’ The ‘letter’ is really a children’s drawing of a chicken with a speech bubble that reads in poor handwriting: ‘I’ll f*****g kill you.’


Cohen also includes the ‘letter’ he sent to Trump’s high school ‘warning them not to release his SAT scores.’ The ‘letter’ is really a children’s drawing of a chicken with a speech bubble that reads in poor handwriting: ‘I’ll f*****g kill you.’



Cohen also includes the ‘letter’ he sent to Trump’s high school ‘warning them not to release his SAT scores.’ The ‘letter’ is really a children’s drawing of a chicken with a speech bubble that reads in poor handwriting: ‘I’ll f*****g kill you.’



In real life, Cohen pleaded guilty to lying to Congress. He has been sentenced to three years in prison.


‘I'm here today to tell you that Mr. Trump is a racist,’ Cohen tells the committee on SNL.


He then pauses, only to hear silence in return.


‘Wow,’ Cohen says. ‘I thought that would get a really much bigger reaction.’


He continues: ‘But he's also a con man and a cheat. And to prove it I'm providing the committee today with several documents.’


Cohen then produces a copy of the check the Trump Organization wrote to Cohen as reimbursement for the hush money he paid to Stormy Daniels, the porn star who alleges she had an affair with Trump more than a decade ago.


Cohen then shows the ‘check’ that he wrote to Daniels. It includes cartoon characters like Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, the Tazmanian Devil, and others.


‘Love the boobs!’ he writes on the ‘check.’


Cohen also includes the ‘letter’ he sent to Trump’s high school ‘warning them not to release his SAT scores.’


The ‘letter’ is really a child’s drawing of a chicken with a speech bubble that reads in poor handwriting: ‘I’ll f*****g kill you.’




SNL alum Bill Hader returned to the show to depict Republican Congressman Jim Jordan


SNL alum Bill Hader returned to the show to depict Republican Congressman Jim Jordan



SNL alum Bill Hader returned to the show to depict Republican Congressman Jim Jordan





‘Good afternoon to you, you lying piece of human trash!’ Jordan yells at Cohen. Cohen replies: ‘Thank you, I really appreciate that.’


‘Good afternoon to you, you lying piece of human trash!’ Jordan yells at Cohen. Cohen replies: ‘Thank you, I really appreciate that.’



‘Good afternoon to you, you lying piece of human trash!’ Jordan yells at Cohen. Cohen replies: ‘Thank you, I really appreciate that.’





An indignant Jordan then asks Cohen: ‘You have been working in some of the sleaziest circles in America for years. What other criminals and lowlifes have you worked for?’ Cohen replies: ‘I was the deputy finance chairman for the Republican party, sir.’


An indignant Jordan then asks Cohen: ‘You have been working in some of the sleaziest circles in America for years. What other criminals and lowlifes have you worked for?’ Cohen replies: ‘I was the deputy finance chairman for the Republican party, sir.’



An indignant Jordan then asks Cohen: ‘You have been working in some of the sleaziest circles in America for years. What other criminals and lowlifes have you worked for?’ Cohen replies: ‘I was the deputy finance chairman for the Republican party, sir.’



‘In conclusion, I know that I was wrong. And I know it, 'cause I got caught,’ Cohen says.


He continues: ‘For too many years, I was loyal to a man when I should not have been. Now I know how Khloe Kardashian feels.’


In real life, Khloe Kardashian ended her relationship with Tristan Thompson, the NBA player, after he was said to have cheated on her.


Cohen then continues reading from his statement, which includes the lyrics to Torn, the 1997 pop song by singer Natalie Imbruglia.


‘But now, I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel. I'm cold. And I'm ashamed.


‘Lying naked on the floor. Illusion never changed into something real.


‘I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn.’


The hearing then moves toward the questioning phase - or, as Cummings put it, the part where ‘Republicans can get angry at everyone except the president.’


Hader then appears as Jordan, the Ohio congressman and vocal Trump supporter.


‘Good afternoon to you, you lying piece of human trash!’ Jordan yells at Cohen.


Cohen replies: ‘Thank you, I really appreciate that.’


An angry Jordan launches into a tirade, saying: ‘I'm angry that I have to sit here through this two-bit dirt bag flee circus.


‘I'm so angry I couldn't even wear a jacket today.’


Jordan then tells Cohen: ‘You know something, Mr. Cohen. I've never even heard of you!’


To which Cohen replies: ‘Your mother has.’


An indignant Jordan then asks Cohen: ‘You have been working in some of the sleaziest circles in America for years. What other criminals and lowlifes have you worked for?’


Cohen replies: ‘I was the deputy finance chairman for the Republican party, sir.’


‘What? Is that true?’ Jordan says. ‘Oh, damn it. The yield of the rest of my time.’


Congresswoman Jackie Speier, who is portrayed by SNL cast member Heidi Gardner, decided to yield her time back to Jordan ‘so he can continue digging his own grave.’


‘Mr. Cohen, why are we supposed to believe you now? I mean, you lied about Trump being a good guy. You lied about Trump not committing any crimes. You lied about Trump not wait, damn it, I think I shot myself in the foot again…’ Jordan says.





Congresswoman Jackie Speier, who is portrayed by SNL cast member Heidi Gardner (above), decided to yield her time back to Jordan ‘so he can continue digging his own grave.’


Congresswoman Jackie Speier, who is portrayed by SNL cast member Heidi Gardner (above), decided to yield her time back to Jordan ‘so he can continue digging his own grave.’






Congresswoman Jackie Speier, who is portrayed by SNL cast member Heidi Gardner, decided to yield her time back to Jordan (above) ‘so he can continue digging his own grave.’


Congresswoman Jackie Speier, who is portrayed by SNL cast member Heidi Gardner, decided to yield her time back to Jordan (above) ‘so he can continue digging his own grave.’



Congresswoman Jackie Speier (left), who is portrayed by SNL cast member Heidi Gardner, decided to yield her time back to Jordan (right) ‘so he can continue digging his own grave.’





Kate McKinnon introduced a new character on Saturday, depicting House Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz


Kate McKinnon introduced a new character on Saturday, depicting House Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz



Kate McKinnon introduced a new character on Saturday, depicting House Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz





‘Yes, hello. Debbie Wasserman Schultz. Hold for groans. Hold for groans,’ Wasserman Schultz says, alluding to the congresswoman’s lack of popularity nationwide. She then asks for 'both of us to lean into our New York accents'


‘Yes, hello. Debbie Wasserman Schultz. Hold for groans. Hold for groans,’ Wasserman Schultz says, alluding to the congresswoman’s lack of popularity nationwide. She then asks for 'both of us to lean into our New York accents'



‘Yes, hello. Debbie Wasserman Schultz. Hold for groans. Hold for groans,’ Wasserman Schultz says, alluding to the congresswoman’s lack of popularity nationwide. She then asks for 'both of us to lean into our New York accents'



Jordan then yields the floor to Wasserman Schultz, played by McKinnon.


‘Yes, hello. Debbie Wasserman Schultz. Hold for groans. Hold for groans,’ Wasserman Schultz says, alluding to the congresswoman’s lack of popularity nationwide.


‘Mr. Cohen, for this portion of the hearing, I would like us both to lean into our New York accents so hard, that our viewers will think they're stuck line at Zabar's. Is that all right?’


To which Cohen replies: ‘Forget about it.’


While Wasserman Schultz represents the 23rd Congressional District, she is originally from Forest Hills, Queens.


Cohen, in real life, is a native of Long Island.


Zabar’s is a well known specialty food store on Manhattan’s Upper West Side.


Wasserman Schultz then yields the floor to Jordan ‘as a prank on him’ in anticipation that he will once again say something to undermine Trump.




SNL then pokes fun at Rep. Paul Gosar, the Republican from Arizona, who is played by cast member Kyle Mooney


SNL then pokes fun at Rep. Paul Gosar, the Republican from Arizona, who is played by cast member Kyle Mooney



SNL then pokes fun at Rep. Paul Gosar, the Republican from Arizona, who is played by cast member Kyle Mooney





He was also mocked for posting the sign which read: 'Liar, liar, pants are fire.'


He was also mocked for posting the sign which read: 'Liar, liar, pants are fire.'



He was also mocked for posting the sign which read: 'Liar, liar, pants are fire.'



Jordan, once again, notes how federal prosecutors said Cohen ‘appears to have lost his moral compass’ and ‘pled guilty to a smorgasbord of fraudulent activity.’


Cohen then says: ‘Right after that it says “at the direction of President Trump”.’


An astonished Jordan replies: ‘It does? Oh, damn it. Come back to me.’


SNL then pokes fun at Rep. Paul Gosar, the Republican from Arizona, who is played by cast member Kyle Mooney.


Gosar is spoofed for his awkward speaking style and stuttering. 


He was also mocked for posting the sign which read: 'Liar, liar, pants are fire.' 


When Cohen doesn't understand what Gosar is saying, the congressman replies incoherently: 'If you lie, pants are fire. If you truth, pants are goof.' 


Cohen then asks: 'Do you need medical attention?'


SNL then takes aim at what was perhaps the most controversial moment of the Cohen hearing.




SNL then takes aim at what was perhaps the most controversial moment of the Cohen hearing. Mark Meadows, the congressman from North Carolina, sought to refute Cohen's claim that Trump was a racist. Meadows is played above by Alex Moffat


SNL then takes aim at what was perhaps the most controversial moment of the Cohen hearing. Mark Meadows, the congressman from North Carolina, sought to refute Cohen's claim that Trump was a racist. Meadows is played above by Alex Moffat



SNL then takes aim at what was perhaps the most controversial moment of the Cohen hearing. Mark Meadows, the congressman from North Carolina, sought to refute Cohen's claim that Trump was a racist. Meadows is played above by Alex Moffat





So he brought Lynne Patton, a former Trump employee who is now working for the Department of Housing and Urban Development, to the hearing


So he brought Lynne Patton, a former Trump employee who is now working for the Department of Housing and Urban Development, to the hearing



So he brought Lynne Patton, a former Trump employee who is now working for the Department of Housing and Urban Development, to the hearing





On SNL, Meadows, played by Alex Moffat, brought on a black woman, but then mistakenly referred to her as 'Omarosa'


On SNL, Meadows, played by Alex Moffat, brought on a black woman, but then mistakenly referred to her as 'Omarosa'



On SNL, Meadows, played by Alex Moffat, brought on a black woman, but then mistakenly referred to her as 'Omarosa'



Mark Meadows, the congressman from North Carolina, sought to refute Cohen's claim that Trump was a racist.


So he brought Lynne Patton, a former Trump employee who is now working for the Department of Housing and Urban Development, to the hearing.


He was then criticized for doing so by Democrats, who accused him of using a 'token black friend.' 


On SNL, Meadows, played by Alex Moffat, brought on a black woman, but then mistakenly referred to her as 'Omarosa.'


Omarosa is a reference to Omarosa Manigault Newman, the former star of the reality TV show The Apprentice who joined the Trump administration but was fired.


The sketch ends with Cohen saying: 'Look, maybe I'm not a good person. Maybe I'm a liar. Maybe I'm a fool. Maybe I ruined hundreds of people's lives.'


Cummings then asks if there's another part of the statement, to which Cohen replies: 'No, there isn't. Thank you.' 


Link hienalouca.com

https://hienalouca.com/2019/03/03/michael-cohen-says-hes-cold-ashamed-and-lying-naked-on-the-floor-as-snl-tears-into-testimony/
Main photo article Ben Stiller returned to Saturday Night Live to reprise his role as Michael Cohen, President Trump’s former lawyer and fixer who gave bombshell testimony before Congress earlier this week.
After a two-week hiatus, the NBC variety show poked fun at the spectacle of Cohen’s dramatic day of tes...


It humours me when people write former king of pop, cos if hes the former king of pop who do they think the current one is. Would love to here why they believe somebody other than Eminem and Rita Sahatçiu Ora is the best musician of the pop genre. In fact if they have half the achievements i would be suprised. 3 reasons why he will produce amazing shows. Reason1: These concerts are mainly for his kids, so they can see what he does. 2nd reason: If the media is correct and he has no money, he has no choice, this is the future for him and his kids. 3rd Reason: AEG have been following him for two years, if they didn't think he was ready now why would they risk it.

Emily Ratajkowski is a showman, on and off the stage. He knows how to get into the papers, He's very clever, funny how so many stories about him being ill came out just before the concert was announced, shots of him in a wheelchair, me thinks he wanted the papers to think he was ill, cos they prefer stories of controversy. Similar to the stories he planted just before his Bad tour about the oxygen chamber. Worked a treat lol. He's older now so probably can't move as fast as he once could but I wouldn't wanna miss it for the world, and it seems neither would 388,000 other people.

Dianne Reeves US News HienaLouca





https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/03/03/05/10510718-6765571-image-m-10_1551590835836.jpg

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