«Breaking News» Sportsmail imagines what Mourinho might have been thinking at Wembley

Jose Mourinho’s evening at Wembley on Saturday night... as imagined by Sportsmail's Adam Crafton...

Ah, Wembley. ‘Isn’t it beautiful, Aitor?,’ I say, nudging the Nottingham Forest manager and my former Real Madrid assistant Aitor Karanka. ‘You remember I won here in the FA Cup semi-final against Tottenham in April?’

Aitor nods. ‘But you did lose here, Jose, in the final against Chelsea. And against Tottenham in January.’

It is too early in the evening to invoke Friedrich Hegel so I grunt and shrug. Anyway, as Aitor knows all too well, Jose only wins, it’s the players who lose.

Manchester United boss Jose Mourinho was sat between Trevor Brooking and Aitor Karanka 

The players are walking out. Three Lions are marked out on the pitch before the game. Must be for Jose’s three (Yes, THREE) Premier Leagues at Chelsea? Or maybe Manchester United’s famous treble? Not 1999. No, no, no. The famous 2017, when I - OK, we - lifted the Community Shield, Carabao Cup and Europa League. I stand up, pirouette and present three fingers to the directors box. Jose is special.

Zlatan texts: ‘Watching England. Three Lions? I am the one true lion.’

The game starts. Look at all of Jose’s boys out there! Luke Shaw, Marcus Rashford, Jesse Lingard, David De Gea. And do not forget how I developed Sergio Ramos at Real Madrid.

Marcus Rashford's (pictured) scored England's only goal of the game against Spain

Rashford (left) celebrates with his team-mates after opening the scoring for England

I brim with pride. ‘Ah, Aitor, those glory days in training where Sergio and Pepe practised their WWE takedowns.’ Aitor giggles and we watch the YouTube clip of Ramos taking out Mo Salah.

Talking of defenders, my phone bleeps. The number is unknown. ‘Boss, it’s Eric Bailly. The one United centre-half most people consider half-decent. You played Ander Herrera ahead of me at centre-half against Tottenham and then Victor Lindelof (!!) at Burnley. Please call.’ I email our tech department and ask to block the number.

Anyway, three of my creations combine for England’s opener. Shaw raids down the left. Brilliant cross and Rashford’s finish goes through De Gea. I know the television cameras will be on me, so I purse my lips and nod. 1-0 to Jose!

Ashley Young, who has lost his place to Luke Shaw for England and United, texts. ‘Boss, you did see my goal in the charity game in Scotland today, didn’t you?’ I respond with an eye-roll emoji.

Luke Shaw had to be taken off the pitch on Saturday night after suffering concussion

Sir Trevor Brooking is sat to my right. He keeps moving to say something but then pulls away. Finally he goes for it. ‘Why... don’t you play Rashford a bit more, Jose?’

Harrumph. Here we go. I take out my printed excel spreadsheet. ‘Right, look here,’ I say, pointing at the page. ‘Last season, Marcus played 35 games in the Premier League.’

Aitor interrupts. ‘Yes, Jose, but the spreadsheet also says 18 of those were as a substitute and in ten of the 17 games he started, you took him off. As Hegel says, the truth, Jose, is in the whole.’

Trevor stays silent but smirks. Rashford is actually quite good tonight. Better than Harry Kane in those silly golden boots. Rashy should score again, but De Gea denies him with a brilliant save from a header. Then late on he dances past three players and De Gea saves again. Rashford is playing with a smile and is not head-butting anyone this week. The mischief-makers in the press will credit Southgate but really, he is playing well because he knows I am here supporting him.

I text Marcus, suggesting he thanks me afterwards for my tough love and guidance. It’s the least he can do.

Mourinho speaks to Nottingham Forest manager - and good friend - Karanka on Saturday night

Spain equalise. Phone bleeps. It’s Ed Woodward. He calls me ‘Mou’, like he used to call Wayne Rooney ‘Wazza.’ We aren’t sure why. Anyway. He says he saw me on the telly. He asks if I saw the mistake Harry Maguire made for the Spain equaliser. ‘Do you see now why I would not pay £80m to buy him from Leicester?’ Woodward adds a smug-face emoji.

I forward it to my agent, Jorge Mendes. ‘How much will it cost us to hire another plane banner about Woodward, Jorge?’

Another bleep. Jose is popular. It’s Mario, my concierge at the Lowry Hotel in Manchester. ‘Jose, I have fixed the television screen. We have also cancelled the Amazon Prime account after the incident while you were watching the Manchester City documentary. This is your final warning.’

Second-half now and Luke Shaw has taken a mighty blow to the head. He’s down for a few minutes. The boy has no luck. Jose has no luck. I send a text message. ‘Ashley, I saw your goal in the friendly. Great to have you raring to go. I believe in you.’

England are now losing. Three defeats in a row for Gareth Southgate. He could be the first manager relegated from the Premier League (with Middlesbrough) and then relegated with England (from the UEFA Nations League). Specialist in failure?

Link article

https://hienalouca.com/2018/09/10/sportsmail-imagines-what-mourinho-might-have-been-thinking-at-wembley/
Main photo article Jose Mourinho’s evening at Wembley on Saturday night… as imagined by Sportsmail’s Adam Crafton…
Ah, Wembley. ‘Isn’t it beautiful, Aitor?,’ I say, nudging the Nottingham Forest manager and my former Real Madrid assistant Aitor Karanka. ‘You remember I won here in the FA Cup semi-...

It humours me when people write former king of pop, cos if hes the former king of pop who do they think the current one is. Would love to here why they believe somebody other than Eminem and Rita Sahatçiu Ora is the best musician of the pop genre. In fact if they have half the achievements i would be suprised. 3 reasons why he will produce amazing shows. Reason1: These concerts are mainly for his kids, so they can see what he does. 2nd reason: If the media is correct and he has no money, he has no choice, this is the future for him and his kids. 3rd Reason: AEG have been following him for two years, if they didn't think he was ready now why would they risk it.

Emily Ratajkowski is a showman, on and off the stage. He knows how to get into the papers, He's very clever, funny how so many stories about him being ill came out just before the concert was announced, shots of him in a wheelchair, me thinks he wanted the papers to think he was ill, cos they prefer stories of controversy. Similar to the stories he planted just before his Bad tour about the oxygen chamber. Worked a treat lol. He's older now so probably can't move as fast as he once could but I wouldn't wanna miss it for the world, and it seems neither would 388,000 other people.

Dianne Reeves Sport HienaLouca





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