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вторник, 4 сентября 2018 г.

«Breaking Pic News» Manon made history with the first ‘f**ked’ in the GBBO, by Jim Shelley

It was a historic night on The Great British Bake Off.


No, not because Manon said the word ‘f**ked.’


It didn’t take Channel 4 long did it? Two episodes into the second series and we already had swearing in the Showstopper! #PrayForMaryBerry




There's a first for everything: Manon made history with the first ‘f**ked’ in the Great British Bake Off tent on Tuesday 


There's a first for everything: Manon made history with the first ‘f**ked’ in the Great British Bake Off tent on Tuesday 



There's a first for everything: Manon made history with the first ‘f**ked’ in the Great British Bake Off tent on Tuesday 



It wasn’t because there was a cake in a skirt either - a grass skirt, complete with a garland of flowers. What else would it be wearing on a Hawaiian Pina Colada Cake?!

Or Jon, the contestant who confessed he wasn’t looking forward to Cake Week on the grounds ‘cakes are not really my thing.’ (On the Great British Bake Off! What’s he doing there?)


Like the iconic spectacle that was the top half of the Eiffel Tower falling off, they barely got a mention. 




Well done: The moment came after Paul Hollywood - obviously – as his Holiness blessed THREE Bakers with one of his legendary handshakes (shattering his previous record of two)


Well done: The moment came after Paul Hollywood - obviously – as his Holiness blessed THREE Bakers with one of his legendary handshakes (shattering his previous record of two)



Well done: The moment came after Paul Hollywood - obviously – as his Holiness blessed THREE Bakers with one of his legendary handshakes (shattering his previous record of two)



No, the landmark moment was a contribution by Paul Hollywood - obviously – as his Holiness blessed THREE Bakers with one of his legendary Paul Hollywood handshakes (shattering his previous record of two).


The handshakes he bestowed on first Rahul and then Ruby were no ordinary handshakes either.


‘I’ve never given a handshake for a Showstopper before!’ Paul announced modestly, after he tasted Rahul’s Chocolate Collar Cake, paused for dramatic effect, and sternly requested ‘Rahul, can you come here a minute please?’




Pressing palms: The handshakes he bestowed on first Rahul and then Ruby were no ordinary handshakes either 


Pressing palms: The handshakes he bestowed on first Rahul and then Ruby were no ordinary handshakes either 



Pressing palms: The handshakes he bestowed on first Rahul and then Ruby were no ordinary handshakes either 



Rahul was still wondering what he could have done wrong to merit this breach of GBBO protocol when Hollywood put the young chap out of his misery, suddenly laying hands on him the way the judge congratulates the winner at Crufts (the owner not the dog).


He did it with a two-handed­ handshake too - the type particularly false politicians use.


‘That is a fantastic cake!’ Hollywood eventually declared, when the applause had died down.




Congratulations: Rahul was still wondering what he could have done wrong to merit this breach of GBBO protocol when Hollywood put the young chap out of his misery, suddenly laying hands on him the way the judge congratulates the winner at Crufts


Congratulations: Rahul was still wondering what he could have done wrong to merit this breach of GBBO protocol when Hollywood put the young chap out of his misery, suddenly laying hands on him the way the judge congratulates the winner at Crufts



Congratulations: Rahul was still wondering what he could have done wrong to merit this breach of GBBO protocol when Hollywood put the young chap out of his misery, suddenly laying hands on him the way the judge congratulates the winner at Crufts



What a time to be alive! It was one of those Events we’ll always remember where we were – like hearing the Brexit result or ‘the Susan Boyle moment’ (possibly better).


A piece of TV History so momentous he repeated two minutes later (on someone else).


Rahul certainly deserved it. His ‘chocolate orange layer cake’ was even better than a spectacular Terry’s Chocolate Orange with amazing swirls in the collar and huge shards of chocolate erupting from the top.




Impressed: ‘I’ve never given a handshake for a Showstopper before!’ Paul announced modestly, after he tasted Rahul’s Chocolate Collar Cake


Impressed: ‘I’ve never given a handshake for a Showstopper before!’ Paul announced modestly, after he tasted Rahul’s Chocolate Collar Cake



Impressed: ‘I’ve never given a handshake for a Showstopper before!’ Paul announced modestly, after he tasted Rahul’s Chocolate Collar Cake



Other unusual, enticing, delights included Antony’s ‘Indian Bakewell tart’, Ruby’s ‘Boozy Black Forest gateaux’, and Kim-Joy’s Pandan Chiffon Cake’, which Paul was not a fan of.


‘So what’s a Pandan leaf?’ he asked her, picking up the Pandan leaf and smelling it. (It’s a leaf Paul.)


‘That’s revolting!’ he scoffed, ‘Do you know what that’s like? Like I just cut my front lawn!’


What a wit.




Well earned: Rahul certainly deserved it. His ‘chocolate orange layer cake’ was even better than a spectacular Terry’s Chocolate Orange


Well earned: Rahul certainly deserved it. His ‘chocolate orange layer cake’ was even better than a spectacular Terry’s Chocolate Orange



Well earned: Rahul certainly deserved it. His ‘chocolate orange layer cake’ was even better than a spectacular Terry’s Chocolate Orange





Delightful: His creation was decorated with amazing swirls in the collar and huge shards of chocolate erupting from the top


Delightful: His creation was decorated with amazing swirls in the collar and huge shards of chocolate erupting from the top



Delightful: His creation was decorated with amazing swirls in the collar and huge shards of chocolate erupting from the top



‘I like it!’ Noel Fielding contradicted Paul later when it came to the tasting. ‘That’s like pond water!’


What a loon. 


Some of the ingredients alone sounded mouth-watering without being even baked into cakes: pineapple jam, rhubarb jam, soft Spanish nougat, Yuzu curd.


As for Briony’s Showstopper, Noel Fielding informed us: ‘she needs to bake three tiers of chocolate fudge and salted caramel cake, then fill them with salted caramel and vodka butter-cream’ – the sentence I’ve been waiting my whole life for. (‘Vodka butter-cream’?! Who knew?!)


Having made ‘3-D Biscuit Selfies’ in last week’s finale, possibly the most interesting creations involved real – some might say, historical – figures: namely, Jackson Pollack, Claude Monet, Fielding, and Sandi Toksvig.




Complex: As for Briony’s Showstopper, Noel Fielding informed us: ‘she needs to bake three tiers of chocolate fudge and salted caramel cake, then fill them with salted caramel and vodka butter-cream’


Complex: As for Briony’s Showstopper, Noel Fielding informed us: ‘she needs to bake three tiers of chocolate fudge and salted caramel cake, then fill them with salted caramel and vodka butter-cream’



Complex: As for Briony’s Showstopper, Noel Fielding informed us: ‘she needs to bake three tiers of chocolate fudge and salted caramel cake, then fill them with salted caramel and vodka butter-cream’



For the Technical Challenge, Prue Leith tasked the competitors with baking une gateaux verte: a pistachio Genovese sponge topped with fondant made of spinach puree. (Coming to a Greggs near you soon.)


‘This is absolutely ridiculous!’ spluttered Terry, trying to strain a horrible sloppy wodge of the green stuff.


‘This is not going to go well !’ predicted Karen - correctly, as it turned out later when she ‘abandoned ship’ and tipped her mixture into the bin.




Laying down the gauntlet: For the Technical Challenge, Prue Leith tasked the competitors with baking une gateaux verte: a pistachio Genovese sponge topped with fondant made of spinach puree 


Laying down the gauntlet: For the Technical Challenge, Prue Leith tasked the competitors with baking une gateaux verte: a pistachio Genovese sponge topped with fondant made of spinach puree 



Laying down the gauntlet: For the Technical Challenge, Prue Leith tasked the competitors with baking une gateaux verte: a pistachio Genovese sponge topped with fondant made of spinach puree 



Briony on the other hand was enjoying the experience of baking a cake with such an unusual ingredient.


‘It smells like Health, doesn’t it?!’ she enthused.


‘Or cabbage!’ countered Noel Fielding, suggesting he doesn’t eat a lot of spinach.


The weirdest Chocolate Collar cake (or any cake) was undoubtedly Manon’s.


‘When I was an au pair I looked after this little girl who loved dressing up as a princess. This cake is for her.’


In the room at the top of her almond castle cake she put the tiny almond prince and almond princess.


‘Is that me and Sandi?!’ Noel deduced astutely, possibly by recognising his horrendous new Child-Catcher haircut.


‘That’s fantastic!’ Sandi agreed.


Not necessarily…


‘This is you fast asleep!’ Manon told Noel pointing to his Mini Me (in almond sponge), who was indeed lying prostrate on the bed. ‘And that’s Sandi. She’s f**ked off - because you’re late!’


Is anyone else sensing Manon might have Issues, that she’s working through? Not by playing with dolls houses as she might have when she was younger by using houses and people made of cake?


Another psychological sub-plot to watch out for concerns the internet’s theory that Paul Hollywood is attracted to one of the Bakers in particular – and that this year’s Ruby Tandoh is, um, Ruby Bhogal.


(Admittedly Ruby is a great name.)


The biggest indicator this week was Hollywood’s reaction to Ruby’s creations being disproportion – good or bad: a classic giveaway.


Her ‘Boozy Black Forest Traybake’ in the Signature Challenge was not immaculate but Hollywood’s verdict was scathing – provocatively so.


‘It looks like a forest floor!’ he growled.


‘OK,’ gulped Ruby, clearly taken aback.


‘It’s a mess.’


A bit much when he’d just agreed that Briony’s traybake looked ‘hideous’ but reassured her: ‘honestly I don’t care how it looks. It’s absolutely delicious.’


‘I was always expecting Paul to have a gripe,’ Ruby reflected afterwards. ‘But calling it ‘a forest floor’? He is savage!’


The Jackson Pollack-style ‘collar’ that adorned Ruby’s Showstopper was either a fairly feeble homage to the great American painter (as she claimed) or a load of old Pollacks designed to excuse it being conveniently simple. (Too bland and plain, without Pollack’s trademark multi-coloured spatter.)


The spin Ruby put on this was bordering on genius – actually arguing that making a cake on the Bake Off than forging a career/reputation in the artworld.


‘Jackson Pollack would probably just whack it on but he’s not being judged!’ she insisted, explaining why she hadn’t really decorated the collar at all.


Luckily for Ruby, Paul Hollywood really that interested in Jackson Pollack and her actual sponge was delicious.


‘I could sit here eating this for an hour or so!’ purred Prue Leith, getting stuck in (a pretty great compliment).


‘Come here Ruby!’ grinned Hollywood, moving in for a handshake.


‘I’m really happy with Paul’s handshake,’ Ruby considered afterwards. ‘I’m pleased that one’s in the bag and I would never take that back now.’


Then her face lit up as she said: ‘But I wanted to impress Prue!’


A truly historic diss of Paul Hollywood and his handshake on The Great British Bake Off. 

 


Link http://hienalouca.com

https://hienalouca.com/2018/09/05/manon-made-history-with-the-first-fked-in-the-gbbo-by-jim-shelley/
Main photo article It was a historic night on The Great British Bake Off.
No, not because Manon said the word ‘f**ked.’
It didn’t take Channel 4 long did it? Two episodes into the second series and we already had swearing in the Showstopper! #PrayForMaryBerry





There’s a first for everything: Manon made hi...


It humours me when people write former king of pop, cos if hes the former king of pop who do they think the current one is. Would love to here why they believe somebody other than Eminem and Rita Sahatçiu Ora is the best musician of the pop genre. In fact if they have half the achievements i would be suprised. 3 reasons why he will produce amazing shows. Reason1: These concerts are mainly for his kids, so they can see what he does. 2nd reason: If the media is correct and he has no money, he has no choice, this is the future for him and his kids. 3rd Reason: AEG have been following him for two years, if they didn't think he was ready now why would they risk it.

Emily Ratajkowski is a showman, on and off the stage. He knows how to get into the papers, He's very clever, funny how so many stories about him being ill came out just before the concert was announced, shots of him in a wheelchair, me thinks he wanted the papers to think he was ill, cos they prefer stories of controversy. Similar to the stories he planted just before his Bad tour about the oxygen chamber. Worked a treat lol. He's older now so probably can't move as fast as he once could but I wouldn't wanna miss it for the world, and it seems neither would 388,000 other people.

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